The mental load no one warned me about: Mothering twins and still being me
When I found out I was having twins, I expected life to get busy. I braced for sleepless nights, double feeds and all the chaos of newborn life. But nothing prepared me for the mental load - the constant, silent work of managing everyone’s needs while trying to stay connected to myself.
What Is the Mental Load?
It’s the running list in your head.
The nap schedule.
The washing pile.
The bottle that needs sterilising.
The groceries you haven’t written down.
The appointment you haven’t made.
It’s the emotional tracking, the planning, the remembering. All the invisible labour of parenting that rarely gets acknowledged.
Why Twins (or more) Intensify It
With twins, everything is multiplied. Not just the nappies or the feeding, but the internal balancing act.
You’re often torn in two directions.
Both babies need you now.
Your toddler still needs you.
Your husband, your friends and your family need you too.
Losing (and Finding) Yourself
In the early months, I felt blurry. I wasn’t just tired, I was mentally and emotionally drained.
I missed myself.
Not the version before kids.
But the one who could think clearly.
The one who felt present.
The one who had time to be, not just do.
The Guilt of Wanting Space
The hardest part? Feeling like I wasn’t allowed to need space.
That if I really loved my children, I wouldn’t feel overwhelmed.
But that’s not true.
Wanting time to breathe doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful — it means you’re human.
What Helped Me Cope
Seeking help. Speaking to my GP and later on my psychologist helped me see the forest through the trees.
Sharing the load. Whether it’s your partner, a friend or a parent— ask for help.
Getting outside of the house. A walk, a gym session or seeing friends away from the noise and sometimes the energy of the house.
Letting go of the perfect day. Some days are magic. Others are pure survival. That’s okay.
You Matter, Too
If you’re in the thick of it, I see you.
You are doing more than anyone can see. Especially when so much of it is invisible.
You matter, too. Not just as a mum, but as you.
Have you felt this too? Drop a comment below or DM me on Instagram @thetwoau. This space was made for mums like you — juggling it all and trying to stay grounded in the process.
